Coping With Infertility

For a woman, finding out that she won’t be able to have a baby is devastating news. The fact that fertility drugs create mood swings doesn’t help.

In our society, more often than not we are taught to "grin and bear it". Elderly people would tell you to be thankful for your many blessings instead of dwelling on the negative and that keeping a positive outlook will bring about a miracle. Doubt that.

Let it out

Grinning and bearing it does not change anything. Being sad for something you don’t have doesn’t mean you are not thankful for the things that you do have.

When you need to cry, you should let it out. Holding back your tears won’t make pain and sadness go away. Instead, it takes up all the emotional energy you use when you deal with everyday life. You don’t want sadness to take over your life. It is unhealthy to hold it all in. The sadness that you’re holding in might manifest itself later on, as panic or anxiety attack.

Tears will make an appearance no matter how hard you try to hold them back, and sometimes they show up the in worst moments. Though it sounds rather odd, it is best to have some quiet time and a private space to unload your grief.

Day and time

It sounds funny to have to schedule your crying time, but it helps to have an allotted time and space where you can express yourself undisturbed.

Give yourself as much time as you need. As long as you can be alone and be free to cry, let it all out. It is also important that you have a "start and end time". The logical explanation for this is that it is comforting to know that you are not going to cry forever once you decide to do so.

Safe place

The next thing to do is choose a place where you feel safe to express yourself and cry – like your favorite room in the house. If you are in the office and the need to have a good cry will help you get through the day, you can go straight to an empty parking space, nearby woods or inside your car, to release those pent up emotions.

Keep the tears flowing

When you have been holding it all in for a long time, you will find it is not easy to just well up in tears and cry. Loosen up by, listening to your favorite sad songs, watching a tearjerker movie, reading a novel or writing a letter; anything to get the tears going.

Comfort yourself

Do whatever you need to feel loved and cared for. Make yourself a cup of hot cocoa with little mallows and curl up in your favorite quilt or blanket. Try rocking yourself back and forth to calm your nerves.

If you don’t feel like crying

If you can’t cry, it’s okay. You don’t force yourself. As long as you spend time caring for your emotional well being, living a day at a time will be bearable.


Once you’re done, go out and walk, listen to some upbeat music or make something creative. This ‘ending’ activity is a subconscious sign for your emotional self that you had your time to recognize the pain and now it is time to get your life back.

Professional help

If you feel that you are not strong enough to help yourself, or the sadness is taking over your life, don’t think twice about seeking professional help.


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